so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
