I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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