Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
