I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
are you so shy because you have an std?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
