Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think your dad took our porno
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
