your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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