I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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