I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
