Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
