No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
