i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well you can't waste a boner
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
