I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
