Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
