He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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