I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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