Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
