he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
