His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
