Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
