I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
