If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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