Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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