i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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