if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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