yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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