What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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