Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
