Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
