i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
