the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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