This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
