she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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