you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
