I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
