i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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