apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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