Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
