Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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