You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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