it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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