You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just had sex bonerless
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
