You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
