Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
