Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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