U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
