God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
