you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
