These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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