I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
