The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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