Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize