Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
