How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
