She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the liver wants what the liver wants
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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