it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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