I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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