The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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