i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
