I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
