there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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