i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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