The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize