bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
