when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
