Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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