we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
