If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
