dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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