I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
