I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
