True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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