Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
