does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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