there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
