When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
