My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
