i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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