i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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