thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
