the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
