I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
