You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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