Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
