It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize