just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
