Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
