she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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