My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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