Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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