Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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