Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize