how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
