I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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