She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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