I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
