it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
