I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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